


Without You For The First Time

by Ladyinbooks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Getting Back Together, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, liam is very briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyinbooks/pseuds/Ladyinbooks
Summary: Louis is ready to take the next step in their relationship. Harry finds out about this, freaks out and leaves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this!!!
> 
> I want to thank Court for creating this challenge (and encouraging me), Ed for always being my cheerleader, Cris, Meg, Bori and the rest of Oasis for always being there for me, and everyone who participated in the challenge for being there when I wanted to ramble (and complain) and for writing such amazing fics for this challenge, too. 
> 
> I also want to thank Tabby, who helped me not write an MCD for this, the truly MVP; and my irl friends Ana and Lau, who helped me come up with this idea and are always there when I need someone to be my cheerleader, or listen to me talk some sh**.
> 
> I'm on tumblr as another-dreamless-girl.
> 
> All support is aprreciated!!!!!

“Harry!” Louis squealed and then started giggling, “stop tickling me!” Harry only grins and keeps prodding at Louis’ ribs, even when his arms are flailing and most likely hitting him in multiple places.

“I won’t stop until you tell me the truth.” He took both of Louis’ hands in one of his, while he kept tickling him with the other.

“Okay! Okay!” Harry stops, but keeps Louis’ hands trapped in his, “I’ll tell you what happened with your sweater, but first,” he stops himself and starts giggling, and Harry is about to start tickling him again when Louis speaks again, “your food is burning, babe.”

Harry stands up to run rapidly towards the kitchen, realizing the food that was in the oven has definitely burnt because of the smell coming out of it, but he can still hear Louis’ giggles, so everything is okay, they can order take out.

Everything is okay.

* * *

It is a few days later when he learns that his sweater was rudely stolen by Louis just because he liked how it felt and smelled, apparently.

Harry is okay with that, it’s not like it is the first time that had happened, and that particular sweater, a deep red one, he had bought only a few days ago, and that’s why he had teased Louis about it, he only got to wear it once, although they both know he doesn’t have a problem with Louis stealing (and then wearing) his clothes.

Today is his day off from his job as the head chef of a restaurant, so he has been lazing around at home and found said sweater at the back of Louis’ part of the closet, and he is definitely going to tease him some more when he gets home.

For now, though, he has decided he wants to do something nice for his boyfriend, and will cook him a delicious meal, so when he gets home from work, he won’t have to eat some (not so delicious) take out, he has to go out shopping in this cold, but that’s something he will endure for seeing that soft smile on Louis’ face when he gets home. He would do anything to see that.

He bundles up, some might say a little bit too much, but November’s chill in London is not something he wants to live through without a heavy coat, a beanie, and a scarf.

At the store, he is quick and picks up everything he needs in less than half an hour, returning to their home and starting up on what he needs to do, preparing the lamb so it’s ready to be put in the oven and then doing just that.

He starts cutting the vegetables next, and while he’s working on a carrot, the knife slips (even though he has been doing this for years and could usually do it in his sleep) and he makes a small cut on his ring finger.

It’s nothing serious, nothing to be alarmed of or a reason to make a fuss, but it still stings when he puts it under the running water from the faucet, and it bleeds a little bit, so he decides to wrap it up with a paper towel and search for a Band-Aid.

He has been searching for about five minutes, in the kitchen drawers, under the sink in their bathroom, in both of their nightstands, and has come up with nothing. He could leave it like that, it’s not bleeding that much, but he doesn’t want to leave it open when it could get infected, and he’s cooking, which might be a little bit unsanitary, so as a final place, he goes to search in Louis’ home office.

It’s not like he has never been here before alone, but something feels different today, like he is intruding, maybe because Louis left his laptop open on top of the table when he left for work in a hurry this morning after Harry distracted him enough to make him be late. He decides to shake that weird feeling off and start searching for the Band-Aid, he has a meal to finish for his boyfriend.

He checks the two drawers in one side of the desk, but finds nothing, only old papers and some cuttings of articles Louis saved, not only his but other people’s too, so he goes towards the single one opposite those, where Louis usually keeps stationery and other things he needs constantly.

When he opens it, he can immediately see a little black box sliding around.

Harry ignores it for the time being and takes out a medium sized plastic box that serves as a first-aid kit where they keep some pills, bandages, and hopefully, Band-Aids.

Luckily, there are some in the box, so he takes out a few, putting one on, throwing the paper towel in the bin, and taking some more out so he can put them on one of the kitchen cabinet for a future emergency, hopefully none will take place, but you know what they say, better safe than sorry and all that.

Then, he can’t ignore the elephant in the room anymore, or the little black box in the drawer, more like.

At first, he doesn’t want to open it, because it feels like he is disrespecting Louis’ privacy by doing so, but in the end, his curiosity wins out, and god, he should have guessed what it was, why was he even doubting that was the right answer.

It’s a ring.

A fucking ring.

An engagement ring, presumably.

And a fucking gorgeous one, at that.

It's a white gold one that has three stones in front, blue, black, and green, in that order. It’s exactly the kind of ring Harry would want to be asked to marry someone with, simple, but special, discreet, but with meaning behind it, so he doesn’t know why he has this strange feeling in his stomach.

After he examines it for a good 5 minutes, he leaves it carefully where he found it and shuts the drawer, returning to the kitchen and continuing cooking their meal.

Is it still their meal? Harry doesn’t know.

Is Louis going to propose? Of fucking course he is.

Is Harry already freaking out? Obviously.

He is totally freaking out, because even though they have been together for 5 years, since Harry’s first year at school, he is not ready for this.

He.

Is.

Not.

Fucking.

_Ready._

They are still too young. They haven’t lived enough things. They don’t know if this is going to last forever. They don’t know what the fuck is going to happen next.

They have never known that last thing, but it was different before, when Harry didn’t know Louis was going to propose.

This, and a million more thoughts go through Harry’s mind in the time it takes him to finish what he was cooking, all ending up in the same one.

 _Not ready_.

Harry is definitely not ready, and by the time he serves one plate and wraps it up in clear plastic, he has made up his mind.

He retrieves the ring from Louis’ desk and goes towards the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

“Haz!” The house is quiet, no sign of harry to be seen, “love! where are you?” He takes off his shoes and puts his keys and bag on the little table in the hallway, and decided to go see if Harry was asleep on the sofa or even in their bedroom.

But before he could check in any of those places, he saw something on the kitchen counter. At first glance it seems like it’s just a served food wrapped in clear film, but Louis could kinda make out something behind it, and a post it note perched on top of the plastic.

When he gets closer, he sees the little black box he has become so accustomed to seeing, only he usually sees it in his desk. Why is it here?

He turns to look at the food, and he can see it's lamb and vegetables, one of his favourite meals, even more if Harry is the one who prepared it, but he doesn't have it in himself to appreciate that, because in that post it note on top of the film is a simple phrase in Harry's handwriting, one that without any doubt, destroys his heart as soon as he registers what it says.

_I can't do this anymore, Lou. I'm sorry._

_-H_

And what the fuck. What can't he do anymore? Cooking? Staying at home when he doesn't have to work? what? what is it?

He is going to yell and demand Harry to come out of his hiding and explain to him what this note means when he realises he has the ring he was going to propose with in his hand, and that the only person who could have taken it out was Harry.

Louis has a bad feeling.

He runs towards the bedroom, expecting to find Harry there mocking him and telling him that yes, he is going to marry him, but when he gets there, he is nowhere to be seen.

And then he sees the empty picture frame laying on the bed, one that used to have a picture of both of them looking oh so happy, he runs towards the closet and then the bathroom, and confirms his suspicions, Harry's things are gone.

Harry is gone.

* * *

It's a few hours later, after a bottle of tequila and nearly 50 calls to Harry's mobile that have gone unanswered, that he decides to accept it, although not really.

He accepts Harry is gone, and he took his clothes, his things, and that photo of both of them and left.

But he doesn't know why he did that, what made him do that, so he can't accept it fully.

He is in the middle of retreating to their -his- room when a knock on the door sounds, and he runs towards it so fast, that he nearly brains himself on the small table in the hallway, but he doesn't care, because it could be Harry with his luggage and a huge dorky smile in his face, telling him that it was a prank, that he's sorry and he loves him.

When he opens it, it's Niall, and he nearly slams the door closed on his face, but then he sees the look of sympathy he has on his face and bursts into tears right then and there, and Niall being the amazing friend he is just hugs him and takes him to the sofa where he lets him cry all he wants, all the while rubbing his back.

He tries to talk in multiple occasions but he fails in every single one of them, so Niall only shushes him and tells him reassuring words. The world needs more people like him.

After a while, he can finally calm down, and he sniffles messily, drying his tears with his sweater, although it’s not actually his, it’s Harry’s, he left behind some clothes in the back of the closet for some reason.

“What are you doing here?” His voice sounds rough, which isn’t really that surprising with how he has spent the past few hours.

“I actually got a voicemail from Harry,” Louis lets out a hurt noise from the back of his throat and Niall looks down at him and hugs him closer and tighter, “he said to please come here and take care of you, to just be with you, that he had to go, and in that moment his voice cut off and he sounded really distraught, man, he ended the voicemail, but since he never said what had happened I called him but he didn’t answer, it seems like his phone is turned off, what happened, mate?”

“I don’t know.” Louis started sobbing harshly again, but he needed to get this out. “I came home and he had left, and there was a note on the counter that said he couldn’t do this anymore and the ring, Niall, the ring. He found the ring and I-” He is crying so hard by the end, that he can’t even finish.

“Oh, Lou.” That’s all Niall has to say, and being honest, Louis doesn’t think he could endure much more.

The rest of the night goes like that, Niall being the amazingly good friend he is and Louis crying and drinking, until they both sit down to eat the food Harry made, which Louis throws up a few hours later, filling his stomach up with more alcohol, and his friend is looking at him like he might break any second.

Little does he know Louis is already so torn up inside he feels like he is going to die.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hello?” Louis asks as he enters the coffee shop near the library.

He hates university.

Well, most specifically, he hates the professor that assigned his class to do an article about a place in the campus, leaving him last, probably because of that time when Louis laughed too loud about something he shouldn’t have laughed about during a lecture, and giving him the coffee shop that is always the fullest.

Reason why he woke up at 5 and it is outside braving the cold at 6 am, trying to get there before everyone else so he can maybe get an interview with a worker, but apparently not even workers are awake at this hour.

Louis takes that back when he sees someone emerge from the back room, stumbling while struggling to put a hair net over that mess of curls, and when he wakes up this early he is really grumpy for the rest of the day, but when the boy looks up, his bright, kind green eyes diffuse every bad feeling he had in his mind.

“Oh hi! You must be Louis, my manager told me you would come by early for an interview.” How is he so cheerful this early in the morning? Louis wonders if having those eyes has something to do with it, you know, because he sees them first thing in the morning.

“Yeah, hi. It’s me, Louis, the interviewer.” The boy looks at him with a confused smile, and Louis literally face palms. “God, that was so awkward,” he walks towards the boy with his hand outstretched, “I’m Louis, I study journalism and this is for one of my classes.”

“I’m Harry,” the boy, Harry, clasps his hand and smiles, and god, Louis really likes that smile. “It would be a pleasure to answer all your questions, I’m an open book for anything you want to know. Sit down, I’ll bring you some tea, don’t worry, it’s on the house.” He smiles again, this time wider and brighter, and yes, that’s possible.

In that moment, Louis knew it was the start of something, but he didn’t imagine what it was going to be like.

* * *

Louis has been lying awake on the bed for the past hour and a half, reminiscing about old times. He hasn’t even wanted to get up to take a painkiller for the awful hangover he has, but he doesn't want to get up from this bed, ever.

This bed smells like Harry, and he has many fond memories of the both of them in here, from long nights of talking, or having mind blowing sex, to cuddling when one of them was sick or feeling down. He never wants to leave this bed, and luckily for him, today is Saturday, so he doesn’t have to go anywhere.

But honestly, all he wants in life is to get Harry back, so with that in mind, he gets up from bed, takes a shower, and faces life.

When Niall sees him out of bed, dressed, and ready to go out, he seems startled, to which Louis rolls his eyes while he takes some painkillers.

“I’m going to go to the restaurant, he has to work today, and I’m going to face him and tell him to come back.” He’s determined and Niall can only stare and nod at what he is saying. “Whatever this is, we can get through it, I’m sure we can.”

“That’s the attitude!” Niall cheers and his mood feels a little bit better. “Do you need me to drive you?”

“No, don’t worry, I want to walk, clear up my mind a little bit.” He says goodbye to Niall, and leaves towards the restaurant where Harry works.

* * *

“Louis!” Matt, one of Harry’s co-workers calls for him as soon as he enters the restaurant. “What are you doing here, mate?”

“Hey! I was looking for Harry, is he in yet?” As soon as Louis finishes saying that, Matt looks confused, and the dreadful feeling in his stomach returns full on.

“I thought you knew…” He trails off, but then shakes his head and tells him, “He asked for a leave, a week, he said, two at most, he said it was because of personal reasons, but I don’t know what else to say, Louis.”

“It’s okay.” Louis tries to smile, but he is sure it looks more like a grimace. “I will get going then, thanks, Matt. See you later.” He leaves without waiting for Matt’s response.

While he was feeling so determined this morning, right now, he wants to curl on a ball and cry, right there in the pavement of the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.

He decides to use his last option, call Harry’s mom.

“Hello?” She answers after the first two rings, and Louis lets out a pitiful noise.

“Anne, please tell me where he is.” His voice is so choked up there is no way she hasn’t picked it up.

“Oh love.” When he starts actually sobbing, she tries to calm him, and as soon as she succeeds, she starts talking. “He called me yesterday afternoon, telling me he needed to get away for a while, that I shouldn’t worry because he was going to turn off his phone, but that he was going to be alright. And he also made me promise to answer your calls whenever you needed me. He didn’t tell me what had happened, though, but I'm assuming it wasn’t something good.”

“He left, Anne,” He can barely get his words out through his sobbing, but he hails a cab and gets in, giving the driver their -his- address quickly, “he found the ring and he left, and-”

“Whoa, slow down, he found what?!” She sounds scandalized but at the same time so motherly and worried.

“The ring. The fucking ring. I was going to propose.” And for the first time in what feels like forever, she doesn’t scold him for swearing, instead, some rustling sounds on the other side of the line.

“Okay, where are you, baby?” She sounds like she is ready to bolt as soon as Louis tells her anything.

“I’m on my way home from the restaurant.”

“I’ll see you there in half an hour.” And then she hangs up.

* * *

True to her word, she arrives there nearly at the same time as him, and when he greets her by the door, she hugs him to his chest tight, like she can put all his pieces together like that, and Louis really wishes she could.

They sit down on the sofa, and Niall makes them tea and leaves them alone to talk, retreating to do some work in Louis’ office.

Louis shows her the ring and tells her how Liam and Niall helped him searching for it and then accompanied him when he bought it about three weeks ago, how he looked at that ring for a few minutes every day and thought about it in Harry’s hand, how he was planning to propose in two weeks, on Wednesday, when Harry works until late, cook a nice meal, and ask him to be his husband. He had so many plans, and he wants to know where they all started to fall apart one by one.

Anne’s eyes are watery by the time he finishes telling her everything, but he is an absolute mess, a snotty, red-eyed mess.

Later into the day, she cooks lunch for the three of them, and after they eat it, Anne leaves, and Louis excuses himself to his bedroom to take a nap, calling into his job to ask for a leave for the next week. He is lucky Harry and him were saving all his vacation days for a future trip, although he is not so sure that will happen anytime soon, so he doesn’t care he’s spending them now.

He falls asleep thinking of Harry’s bright green eyes and how he already misses them.


	4. Chapter 4

It has been eight days since Harry left the house, since he left Louis, and while he never thought it was all going to be fun and games, he never expected to feel this bad about a decision he was sure was correct at that time.

He has been staying with Andy, a friend he went to university with, who has been more than awesome, excluding the few glances, and words, that tell Harry he probably did something wrong.

So tonight, to prove to the world, and himself, that although it hurts, he made the right decision, he is going out to a club, and he is going to flirt, and maybe even go home with someone.

He dresses up like he usually does when he goes out with the boys and sprays perfume on himself, fluffing up his curls like Louis likes, but no, he’s not thinking about that, or _him_ , tonight.

The club is absolutely packed when he gets there, and after 20 minutes or so, he already has been bought two drinks, has danced with two men, and gotten some nice attention, this night isn’t going all that bad in his humble opinion.

He is dancing in the floor like he doesn’t have a care in the world, and tonight, for now, he doesn’t, when a man, who had bought him a drink earlier on approaches him and grabs his hips so they can dance together.

Harry is not really drunk, he might be a little tipsy, but not drunk, so that’s not the reason why he stumbles, it doesn’t feel _right_. The guy is really good looking and doesn’t seem like the type to do something Harry wouldn’t want him to, though, so they dance and dance and dance, until Harry is so tired he just has to go sit.

Once they sit down, the guy tells Harry his name and asks for one in return, so Harry gives it to him even when he didn’t hear his in the first place, it is something like Jake.

They talk for some time, and suddenly, when there’s a lull on the conversation, the guy, Jacob, he learned later on, leans forward and goes to kiss him.

And don’t get him wrong, Harry would be totally on board with that, if it wasn’t for the fact that when he got closer, Harry got a whiff of his perfume, manly, sharp, and definitely not _Louis_ , and then, he can’t stop.

He compares everything he knows about the boy with Louis, how his hands are too big, his eyes a dark brown instead of that gorgeous deep blue, and in no time he is apologizing to him and leaving, he can’t do this.

There’s so much things that he regrets.

He wants this to be over and to wake up tomorrow besides Louis and smell him, and see his blue blue eyes, and hold his small hands in his.

So he calls him, just like that.

“Harry?” He answers on the third ring and he sounds alert enough that Harry is sure he wasn’t sleeping at what must be past two in the morning. “Harry? Are you okay?”

“Lou.” He says it on an exhale, he feels relieved to listen to his voice, he misses it, he misses him. “Lou. Lou. Lou. I miss you, Lou. I’m so sorry.”

“Haz, are you drunk?” He sounds confused with just a tiny little bit of hurt in there.

“No, not really. But I really miss you, Louis.” He takes a shaky inhale, and he can hear Louis mirroring him through the phone. “I made a mistake, Louis. I want to go home.” His voice breaks and he wants to cry.

“You can always come home, Haz.” His voice is soft, and Harry lets out a sob. “Come home, baby, I’ll be waiting for you.”

* * *

When Harry arrives to their house, Louis is waiting for him at the door, and hugs him tightly as soon as he has him near, they sleep tangled up that night, after looking into their eyes with dried tears on their cheeks.

It obviously isn’t easy to recover from this.

There are fights, and moments when they want to give up, there are screams and regrets. But there are also cuddles and _‘I forgive you_ ’s, kisses and promises.

And later on, there’s another ring, an actual proposal and a happily ever after for them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for getting through this mess!!!!!
> 
> I would really appreciate it if you left kudos and commented <3
> 
> I'm on tumblr as another-dreamless-girl.
> 
> Hope you are having an awesome day/evening!!!!


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